Alcohol Jokes and Puns

Here are our funny alcohol jokes and puns. Perfect to share on a night out. Also check our other funny jokes.


Funny Alcohol Joke – 13

2016-06-16T18:35:47+00:00

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him. “Sir, what are you yelling about? You’re scaring the customers.” “Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!” “Sir, please get off the mop bucket.”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 1

2016-06-16T18:26:55+00:00

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why. that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “For fuck sake, you wanker, it’s 2am in the fucking morning!!”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 9

2016-06-16T18:41:57+00:00

A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: “I spit in my beer.” When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer too!”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 10

2016-06-16T18:40:08+00:00

A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? Asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’