Funny Alcohol Jokes - 12

Funny Alcohol Joke – 13

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him. “Sir, what are you yelling about? You’re scaring the customers.” “Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!” “Sir, please get off the mop bucket.”

Funny Food Jokes -17

Funny Food Joke – 16

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 1

Funny Alcohol Joke – 1

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why. that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “For fuck sake, you wanker, it’s 2am in the fucking morning!!”

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 3

Funny Alcohol Joke – 3

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!”

Funny Doctor Jokes -3

Funny Doctor Joke – 1

Doctor: “I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol.” Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 11

Funny Alcohol Joke – 12

A man goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, I can’t stop my hands from shaking!” Doctor replies “Do you drink much?” The man says “no, I spill most of it!”

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 9

Funny Alcohol Joke – 9

A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: “I spit in my beer.” When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer too!”

Funny Marriage Joke - 53

Funny Marriage Joke – 53

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, “If you were my husband I would poison your drink.” The man replied, “If you were my wife I would drink it.”

Funny Doctor Jokes -9

Funny Doctor Joke – 7

Doctor: Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!
Wife: Oh God, will he die?
Doctor: No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 2

Funny Alcohol Joke – 2

“Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn’t drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.”

Funny Alcohol Jokes - 10

Funny Alcohol Joke – 10

A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? Asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’

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