Alcohol Jokes and Puns

Here are our funny alcohol jokes and puns. Perfect to share on a night out. Also check our other funny jokes.


Funny Alcohol Joke – 1

2016-06-16T18:26:55+00:00

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why. that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “For fuck sake, you wanker, it’s 2am in the fucking morning!!”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 9

2016-06-16T18:41:57+00:00

A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: “I spit in my beer.” When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer too!”

Funny Popular Joke – 62

2016-06-21T17:33:31+00:00

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!