Army Jokes and Puns

Here are some funny Army Jokes and Puns. No offense to any army staff these are just silly. Also check out our other funny jokes.


Army Jokes – 8

2017-02-06T23:42:34+00:00

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a new army recruit knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the army colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the new army recruit to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.”

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?” “Nothing important, sir,” the new army recruit replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”

Army Jokes – 4

2017-02-06T23:37:36+00:00

An army drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”

Army Jokes – 2

2017-02-06T23:32:55+00:00

An Army Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

Army Basic Training Joke

2017-09-20T18:52:32+00:00

Recruits got a shock when their Army basic-training instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant.
Her assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was anything she could do for us, just ask.
From the back, a voice called out, “How about a kiss from the sergeant?” “Sure,” she replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. “But I’ll let my assistant take care of it!”

Army Drill Sargent Joke

2017-09-20T18:31:20+00:00

One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them. “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!” Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?” Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”

Lazy Army Joke

2017-09-20T18:15:23+00:00

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”