Bar Jokes and Puns

Our funny bar jokes and puns might be your best friend tonight. After this check out our great beer jokes.


 

Funny Alcohol Joke – 13

2016-06-16T18:35:47+00:00

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him. “Sir, what are you yelling about? You’re scaring the customers.” “Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!” “Sir, please get off the mop bucket.”

Funny Clean Joke – 35

2016-06-17T19:52:34+00:00

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says, “Dude, I’m Jesus Christ!” And the priest says, “No son, you’re not.” So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!” Then the priest says, “No son, you’re not.” Finally, the drunk had enough and said, “Here, I’ll prove it.” He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re back AGAIN?”

Funny Bar Joke – 6

2016-06-16T18:56:34+00:00

A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, “Where have you been all my life?” “Well,” she says, “for the first half of it, I wasn’t even born.”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 9

2016-06-16T18:41:57+00:00

A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: “I spit in my beer.” When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer too!”

Funny Alcohol Joke – 10

2016-06-16T18:40:08+00:00

A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? Asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’

Funny Bar Joke – 1

2016-06-16T18:51:21+00:00

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”
The guy says, “You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had.”
The bartender asks, “What do you have?”
The guy says, “75 cents.”

Funny Bar Joke – 8

2016-06-16T18:59:27+00:00

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, “I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh.”
A man yells, “I’ll take that bet,” and leads the horse into the men’s room.
After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, “OK, I’ll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry.”
The man shouts, “You’re on!”
After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, “How did you do it?”
The man replies, “I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him.”