Coffee Jokes and Puns

What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.

What do Chocolate, men, and coffee have in common? They are all better rich!

What did the doctor say when a baby was born holding a Starbucks latte?
It’s a LATEino girl.

Why Are Italians so Good at Making Coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.

There Are Two Kinds of People. Coffee people and sad people.

A guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: “How much is the coffee?” “Coffee is four dollars the waitress says”. “How much is a refill?” the man asks. “Free, “says the waitress. “Then I’ll take a refill!” the man responds.

Q: Why are men are like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

A man went to his doctor and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,” The doctor said, “well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

How Is Divorce like Espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.

“I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning,” prescribed the doctor. “You gotta be kidding, doc,” I’ve been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee”.

Did you hear about the woman who insisted it was a man’s job to make the coffee in the morning. She showed him the bible where it said Hebrews!

What’s It Called When You Steal Someone’s Coffee?
Mugging!