Crime Jokes and Puns

Here are funny crime jokes and puns. There are some criminals behind bars for doing silly things. Enjoy them and also check out our other funny jokes categories.

Shoplifter crime joke


A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the
shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”

Crime Joke – 1


A defendant is not happy with how things are going in court,
so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: “Where do you work?” Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?” Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.” Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”

Burglar crime joke


While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who’d injured himself running from a home. He told me he’d broken in and unhooked the phone before searching for valuables. But he’d panicked when he heard a woman’s voice. I entered the house and heard the same voice: “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.”