Divorce Jokes and Puns

Here are funny divorce jokes and puns. We hope you enjoy them while you are married. Keep it clean and happy guys. Also, check out our marriage, relationship, and other funny jokes categories.

Woman Divorce Joke


A young woman is divorced after only a few years of marriage, and it is not long before her friends begin to ask her if she is thinking of marrying again. Right now, no,” the young woman answers “I’ve hardly begun to enjoy using the remote control.”

Divorce Decree Joke


Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: “I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.” To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: “That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I ll try to help her all I can, too.”

Silly Divorce Joke


Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”

Divorce Lawyer Joke


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'” “But why?” asks the man. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Funny Divorce Jokes


2 girls meet:
“Me & my husband are no longer together…”
“Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?”
“No, of course I couldn’t!”
“Well he couldn’t either!”