Football Jokes and Puns

Two football fans were having a conversation: How did the game end tonight? It ended at 0-0. Alright, and at halftime?

The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands no matter how dumb he is.

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward, he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!'”

Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Because all the fans have left.

My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. “You know,” he said to our grandson, Nick, “it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now.” “Don’t worry, Grandpa,” Nick said cheerily. “Maybe you’ll go into overtime.”

Which football team cooks gourmet meals together? The Kansas City Chefs.

Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep! Football Player: Coach, It is just not true! Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him! Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!

The reason women don’t play football is that 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.

Why did the football coach shake the vending machine? I don’t know. Because he needed a quarter back.

What does a football player do when he loses his eyesight? Become a referee.