Golf Jokes and Puns

Enjoy these funny golf jokes and puns. Perfect if you like playing or watching golf. Also, make sure to check out our sport and other funny jokes categories.


 

Golf Lesson Joke

2018-11-13T14:41:04+00:00

I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: “your standing too close the ball”. So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing “you are too close to the ball.” So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, “no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it”.

Funny Golfer Joke

2018-11-13T14:30:47+00:00

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn’t find his ball once he’d hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, “But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!” His wife replied, “Yes, but his eyesight is incredible.” Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, “Do you see it?” Ted nodded his head and said, “Boy, that was a beautiful shot!” Joe excitedly asked, “Well, where did it land?!” Ted said, “Hmmm. I forget.”

Golfing Priest Joke

2017-09-23T20:24:28+00:00

A young man and a priest are playing golf together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, ‘What are you going to use on this hole, my son?’ The young man says, ‘An iron, father. How about you?’ The priest says, ‘I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray.’ The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, ‘I don’t know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down.’

Playing Golf Joke

2017-09-23T20:12:15+00:00

Two women were talking the other day over tea. “Did I tell you that my husband has taken up golf?” the first lady asked her friend. “No, as a matter of fact, you didn’t,” her friend replied, “How’s he doing?” “Evidently, very well,” said the first lady. “He’s only played three times, but his friends tell me that he’s already throwing his clubs as far as men who’ve been playing the game for years!”

Long Golf Joke

2017-09-23T20:03:30+00:00

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog reply’s,”Ribbit Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,”OK where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says,”Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,”Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful”. The frog replies, “Ribbit Kiss Me.” He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”