Hanukkah Jokes and Puns

Enjoy these funny Hanukkah jokes and puns. They are for Jewish people as well as anyone else who would enjoy these jokes. Also, take a look at our other funny jokes.


 

Hanukkah and Christmas joke

2017-09-03T11:36:46+00:00

WHY HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS
1. There is no “Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special”
2. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
3. No need to clean the chimney.
4. There’s no latke-nog.
5. Burl Ives doesn’t sing Hanukkah songs.
6. You won’t be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.
7. You won’t see, “You’re a Putz, Charlie Brown”.
8. No barking dog version of “I had a Little Driedl”.
9. No pine needles to vacuum up afterward.
10. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.

Yiddish Hanukkah joke

2017-09-03T10:45:28+00:00

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?” The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said… “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

Eight Hanukkah presents joke

2017-09-03T08:42:10+00:00

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new PlayStation 2 to John. “Where did you get that?” John asked “I got it last night for Hanukkah,” said Stan. “What’s Hanukkah?” John asked. “It’s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights.” “Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John. Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”

Funny Hanukkah Joke

2017-09-03T07:55:15+00:00

Top 10 Reasons to Like Hanukkah
10. No roof damage from reindeer
9. Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races
6. You can use your fireplace
5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
2. Cheer optional
1. No Irving Berlin songs

Grandma Hanukkah joke

2017-09-03T07:53:34+00:00

Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.” She continued, “There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy,” replied the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”? To which she answered, “You’re coming empty handed?”