Heaven gatekeeper joke

Heaven gatekeeper joke

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? Yes, the professor answered. When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. Well, said the gatekeeper. That is a very minor sin. You may enter.

Grandma heaven joke

Grandma heaven joke

A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!”

Drink and go to heaven joke

Drink and go to heaven joke

He who drinks…
Gets drunk,
He who gets drunk…
Goes to sleep,
He who goes to sleep…
Does no sin
He who does no sin…
Goes to Heaven,
So let’s all drink and go to Heaven!

Smoking in heaven joke

Smoking in heaven joke

Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.

Cop in heaven joke

Cop in heaven joke

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, “When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, “I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force.” The second police officer says, “I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty.”

Angel in heaven joke

Angel in heaven joke

An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. “How did you get here?” he asked. And the new angel replied, “Flu…”

Woman in heaven joke

Woman in heaven joke

What do u call a woman in heaven? – An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? – A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? – PEACE ON EARTH!

Great Beyond Heaven joke

Great Beyond Heaven joke

A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and second, you really don’t know where you are at all, do you?”

Christmas Eve heaven joke

Christmas Eve heaven joke

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” “They’re Carol’s.”

Football in heaven joke

Football in heaven joke

Tom and Mat were best of friends, they played football once a week for 50 years. When they were getting older they had an argument if people play football in heaven. So they made up that whoever dies first will let the other one know what happens in heaven. After Mat dies he comes to Tom in a dream and tells him,”You were right! They play up here and not only that, they have your name for starting quarterback!” “Oh wow! That’s great!” Tom replies. “Well,” replies Mat. “Not that great, they have you playing tomorrow night!”

Accountant in heaven joke

Accountant in heaven joke

An accountant dies and goes up to heaven. “This must be a big mistake,” he says to God. “I’m way too young. I’m only 45.” “Huh” says God, “we have you here at 85.” “How did you get that?” So God tells him, “we added up all your billable hours.”

Three guys in heaven joke

Three guys in heaven joke

Three men died, but before God would let them into heaven, God gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. The first guy said, “I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter.” So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said, “I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter.” So God made him 1000 times smarter. The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said, “God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.” So God made him a woman.

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