Hospital Jokes and Puns

Here are funny hospital jokes and puns. Perfect to share with a patient, nurse or doctor. Also, check out our doctor and other funny jokes.

Hospital wheelchair joke


Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman — already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet — who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

Hospital tour joke


I work in a hospital giving tours to children. One day a group of kindergarten kids came in for a tour, I showed them the x-ray machines and asked them if they ever had broke a bone? One little boy raised his hand, “I did!” “Did it hurt?” I asked. “No!” She replied. “Wow, you must be a very brave girl! Which bone did you break?” I asked. “My sisters arm!”

Blonde hospital joke


A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her nose and it hurt.
She touched her stomach and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes. “Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!”

Doctor hospital joke


A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
“Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?” “I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor. “That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”