Military Jokes and Puns

Here are funny military jokes and puns. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc.  Also, check out our other funny jokes categories.


Funny Military Joke-18B


Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”

Funny Military Joke-25


A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, “hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?” The guy responds, “well, before you tell that, you should know that I’m 6′ tall, 200 pounds, and I’m a Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6′ 2″, weighs 250, and he’s also a Marine.”
“Now, you still wanna tell that joke?”
The sailor says, “Nah, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

Funny Military Joke-22


A Singapore radio station receives a call.
“This is the military. Can you tell us the exact time?”
The deejay asks: “Who wants to know?”
The caller says: “What difference does that make?”
The deejay explains: “If you are spies, it’s three o’clock. If you are pilots, it’s 15 hundred hours. If you are navy guys, it’s six bells. If you are local army cadets, it’s 120 minutes to happy hour.”

Funny Military Joke-14


An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank.
The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?”
“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!”

Funny Military Joke-10


First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

Funny Military Joke-24


Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the “Colonel” stand for?
Defendant: Well, it’s kinda like the “Honorable” in front of your name. Not a damn thing.

Funny Military Joke-20


As a joint exercise of Southeast Asian forces gets underway, a Malaysian general says to a Thai colonel: “I just discovered something that does the work of fifty soldiers.”
The Thai asks: “Really? What is it?”
The Malaysian replies: “Two hundred Singaporean soldiers.”