Military Jokes and Puns

Here are funny military jokes and puns. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc.  Also, check out our other funny jokes categories.


 

Funny Military Joke -2-3

2016-06-20T14:28:00+00:00

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

Funny Military Joke-16

2016-06-20T14:21:14+00:00

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, “why is that camel there?”
The soldier says: “There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges.”
A month later the Captain has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex with the camel. He asks the soldier: “Is that how the men do it?”
“No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!”

Funny Military Joke-13

2016-06-20T14:03:48+00:00

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!”
The chief turned to his barber and said, “Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

Funny Military Joke-9

2016-06-20T13:40:23+00:00

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: “Do you know they are all out of step except you?” “What?” asked the recruit innocently. “I said — they are all out of step except you!” thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, “Well, sarge, you’re in charge — you tell them!”

Funny Military Joke-7

2016-06-20T12:14:59+00:00

Recruits got a shock when their Army basic-training instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant. Her assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was anything she could do for us, just ask. From the back, a voice called out, “How about a kiss from the sergeant?” “Sure,” she replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. “But I’ll let my assistant take care of it!”