Navy Jokes and Puns

Here are funny Navy jokes and puns. You will also like our funny military, army and other similar jokes categories. Enjoy!


Navy Joke – 2

2017-02-10T17:57:21+00:00

A Navy Commander was upset with his son’s report card. All the subjects’ e.g. shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except Math which has an A. The Navy Commander said ‘Kids these days spent more time dividing than conquering’. “Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.” “Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!”

Navy Lighthouse Joke

2017-09-25T17:05:24+00:00

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course ten degrees east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, ten degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.” Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!” There’s one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

Navy Joke – 5

2017-02-10T17:55:13+00:00

An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a marine joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs, and I’m a marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, weighs 225, and he’s a marine. The fella next to him is 6’5″ tall, weighs 250, and he’s also a marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?” The Airman says, “Nah, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

Navy Sailor Joke

2017-09-25T17:31:47+00:00

A Navy officer was walking through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and chanced upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on a table. “Sailor!” the officer boomed. “Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” “No sir,” replied the sailor, “but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either!”

Navy Officer Joke

2017-09-25T17:29:44+00:00

An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. “Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?” “Sure, buddy,” says the plebe, rooting around his pocket. “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?” The plebe snaps to attention and barks, “No, sir!”

Silly Navy Joke

2017-09-25T17:27:46+00:00

While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes, and they needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search. “I can’t tell you,” the Navy man said. “That’s classified.”