Shopping Jokes and Puns

Here are funny shopping jokes and puns. Girls love it, guys usually hate it. Also, check out our other funny joke categories.


Wife Shopping Joke

2017-09-27T20:08:45+00:00

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, Eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.” “Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. “Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.” “Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl asked as she wrapped the gloves. “Now that you mention it,” he replied, “she also needs a bra and panties.”

Going Shopping Joke

2017-09-27T20:15:45+00:00

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied,” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

Cashier Shopping Joke

2017-09-28T18:07:45+00:00

I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. “Here you go,” said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. “Have a great day!” Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill. “I’m sorry, Ma’am. We can’t accept anything larger than a fifty,” he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. “But you just accepted that last girl’s hundred,” I reasoned. “I had to,” he said. “It had her phone number on it.”

Shoplifter Joke

2017-09-28T17:57:56+00:00

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”

Shopping Sale Joke

2017-09-28T16:48:35+00:00

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line… “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”