Turtle Jokes and Puns

Here are funny turtle jokes and puns that are great for kids. These clean jokes are yet funny enough for all humors and will give lots of laughs. We also have other funny jokes categories that you can enjoy.

Drinking Turtle Joke


A man and his pet turtle walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my turtle.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the turtle falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a turtle.” 

Turtle and Police Joke


A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a large tortoise in the front seat. “What are you doing with that turtle?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the turtle again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that turtle to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”